"I wanna sleep with you, Mommy."
"Well, I want to weight 20 pounds less but I like food too much and it's not going to happen. We don't always get what we want."
I was always blunt with my kids when they asked to sleep with me. My son Tommy never really had much interest. He was the easiest baby and was in his crib the first night he was home. He always understood that his room was where he'd sleep.
But then I had my daughter Natalie. And she was NOT an easy baby. She'd shriek if someone tried to set her down in her crib.
For the first two months of her life, someone had to be holding her or else she would not sleep. So I shouldn't have been surprised when she wanted to sleep in my bed. (I say MY bed, but I do share it with my husband..)
There are reasons why I never co-slept:
1. I like my space. I want to be able to stretch out in my area and not have to worry about a kid.
2. My daughter sleeps like this.
3. I'd be kicked throughout the night. I know because I had to share a bed with Natalie when we were at Disney World, and it was horrible. I also let her sleep with me ONCE when her daddy was deployed because I felt bad and I vowed never again.
4. I want to spend time with my husband. Alone. I don't want to have to keep my voice down because a kid is sleeping. I don't want to have to censor myself because a child is nearby. There has to be a place where I can be myself.
5. I have enough trouble sharing the bed with my husband so I can't imagine someone else in it. Seriously. My husband can snore, and it drives me up the wall. If we were rich, we might actually have our own bedrooms.
6. I like my space. Oh. I already said that. But I do. Very much.
7. Natalie needs to learn that her room is there for a reason. We paid for the stuff in there and dang it, she'll use it.
I know some people co-sleep and love it. But I am not one of those people. Some might argue that I'll regret not spending that time with her and I completely disagree. I won't miss getting kicked at night. I won't miss getting shoved off the bed. I spend time with my daughter in other ways. We shop together. We see movies. We go out to eat often.
But we do not share a bed. And that's okay.
Do you co-sleep? Or if you don't have kids, do you let your pets on your bed? We don't allow that either.
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We co-sleep... not really on purpose, but out of force and laziness ;) My daughter starts the night in her room, that's our rule, but sometime after we go to bed (I would guess around midnight) she wakes up and makes her way to our room, crawls over me, and climbs in between us! I don't even notice her coming in anymore to be honest. I just wake up and there she is. We've tried bribes, treats, threatening, taking away things, bringing her back to her room... well at this point, I'm just riding it out ;) She won't be sleeping with us forever. Right? Right?? (And normally I sleep fine with her in the bed, she just likes to cuddle up on my arm, which I'm not a fan of but used to at this point... and she doesn't kick unless she has a bad dream, like last night!)
ReplyDeleteYeah I'm not doing that so thank you for this post! My mom didn't do it with me either. It doesn't seem like a good habit to take up for all the reasons you mentioned and more in my opinion.
ReplyDeleteOur dog does sleep in the bed with us (but she also weighs 9 pounds and sleeps in between Kyle's feet haha) but we will not co-sleep with Emersyn. I refuse.
ReplyDeleteI never really did. I did once with Scarlet as a newborn and she was turned over and I was petrified I had suffocated her. So never again. When they're older it's nice for occasional snuggles. Scarlet is such a kicker/blanket taker, though! And Des never seems interested.
ReplyDeleteI'm with you! We have never co-slept yet except when traveling, and she's too noisy in a hotel room or something... but that's only for extreme cases because we don't want to be the people with a screaming baby keeping everyone up all night! haha. But at home? No way. I can see myself letting her in bed with me when she's a bit older when my husband is deployed or something, but I guess we'll see what happens.
ReplyDeleteWe co-sleep, but only because we are too tired to put her back in bed at night when she sneaks in. She doesn't do it as much anymore, but yes I understand all of your reasons and wish we had never let her in the first place!
ReplyDeleteI slept with my babies when they were little. Now I don't let them in my bed even if we're awake!
ReplyDeleteWe are kindred spirits! I do not co-sleep (unless we are in a hotel for the evening on a trip) and don't plan to!
ReplyDeleteI don't have children, so I can't speak for one way or the other, but I LOVE your upfront-ness about it. You don't want to, you have your reasons, and that's that. I dig it.
ReplyDelete-Clarissa @ The View From Here
Ooo I like Clarissa's comment above. You don't want to, you have your reasons, and that's that.
ReplyDeleteWhat is it with kids sleeping sideways in a bed all cockamamie? Did our parents have to teach us that and we forgot? Or do you just grow up and figure it out?
I like my space, too, but I do let my cat sleep at the foot of the bed :)
ReplyDeleteMy daughter slept with me up until she was three. I couldn't stand having her on the other side of the house. She is 22 now and a nurse. I think she turned out fine. For some people it works, others it doesn't.
ReplyDeleteNo kids for me, but am guilty of letting George the Dog Cat sleep in the bed. It's probably why I am so damn tired every morning...!
ReplyDeleteI co-sleep with my 3-year-old. I usually put her in bed in her room at around 9pm each not but by midnight she finds her way back in my room. And the fact that she's a wild sleeper doesn't help either ;(
ReplyDeleteI think it's great that you have clear boundaries with your kids--I totally get the needing your own space and not wanting to censor yourself with your hubby. I do let my dogs sleep with me--but I don't need to censor myself and they keep my feet warm. :)
ReplyDeleteNot at our house except for a few occasions. We need our own bed.
ReplyDeleteFrom time to time we occasionally find a kid in our bed (usually we were so tired we never woke up when they crawled in after a nightmare or whatever.) But in general I don't sleep well with kids in bed, and I don't think they sleep as well either because they wake up too early (their rooms have blackout curtains for a reason!) This baby has been more of a co-sleeper than any of the other kids because even though he always starts out in his bed, I am physically incapable of not falling asleep when he gets up to nurse in the middle of the night. So co-sleeping it is, I guess.
ReplyDeleteI coslept with my first baby - not at all with my second. Now, no way! I have been known to snuggle my youngest in bed if it's 6am and I'm not ready to get up, but most of the time "Go back to bed kid!"
ReplyDeleteCo sleeping was a tough habit to break for my firstborn, but if I didn't do it I would have been up every 2 hours (on a good night.) I like to think co sleeping saved my sanity in the early "new mom" days.
We refuse to co sleep as well. I am like you my bed is sanctuary. I should not have to be quite or whatever in that space!
ReplyDeleteI haven't got a kid yet (and I'm excited to have my own soon), but I agree with you. I think I'm a type of person that can't co-sleep with my kids.
ReplyDeleteWe have already decided not to co-sleep and our daughter isn't even here yet (4 days over due). I think it's important for everyone to have their own space.
ReplyDeleteWe did not co-sleep. My little one was happy in his crib and now happy in his own room and bed.
ReplyDeleteThe kids aren't allowed to sleep in our bed. They're tornadoes. I do, however, sleep in their rooms with each of them if they are sick. One has a long bed and one a queen so there is room but they still get on top of me and keep me up all night.
ReplyDeleteI don't agree with kids co-sleeping with parents. Firstly because they would disrupt my sleep! and secondly because i feel they become too dependent and it becomes harder to encourage them to sleep in their own bed.
ReplyDeleteWell all your reasons are valid!Kids don't have to get everything they want and if you want your space, so be it! Enjoy!
ReplyDeleteWe co-sleep. Purely out of laziness. My 4 year old is a very erratic sleeper. I don't want to wake up like 5 times in the night to tuck him in. So, I let him sleep with me.
ReplyDeleteWe co-slept for awhile, but I got tried of being kicked too. I had to put a stop to it too, but I do love snuggling with the little bug.
ReplyDeleteI don't have any kids but I can totally understand why you don't want to co-sleep. I think kids should learn to sleep in their own beds and parents need their own space.
ReplyDeleteI feel you!! hahaha. We all need our own spaces to sleep.
ReplyDeleteIt's o'kay for you to set boundaries. Whatever works! :) When my son was little he loved to have his back scratched at night and he would often end up falling asleep in my bed. My daughter (who was on the other side having her back scratched) would get up and go to her room when she was tired. lol
ReplyDeleteYeah I'm with you on number four. My husband needs my attention too.
ReplyDeleteWe co-sleep until little man falls asleep. He's then transported to his own bed. He falls asleep in like 5 minutes, so it's not really co-sleeping. Nice blog, I just had a discussion about this the other day...
ReplyDeleteWe co-sleep and absolutely love it! She is only 12months though and so it may change in the future.
ReplyDeleteI do not have a kid yet but when I do, I would not be okay with co-sleeping most likely. I like to have my space in my bed and sleep comfortably.
ReplyDeleteHahahah that's hilarious! I feel the same. I can't sleep at all if there's someone sleeping in the same bed as me
ReplyDeleteLol, this is too funny! I like your daughter how she sleep, my husband do!
ReplyDeleteWe co-sleep and I guess it has its own advantages too. But I totally get your points in here.
ReplyDeleteI've heard about co sleep was great to get more insight into to it as well as your experience. haha i'm the eldest and I enjoyed my crib while my sister was the shrieker... maybe its a younger child thing lol
ReplyDeleteI don't get any sleep when the kids sleep with me. It's terrible. You wake up with black eyes.
ReplyDeleteWe co-sleep with my son until he was 6 because every time we put him in bed at 8pm, he will find his way to our room at midnight. Instead, we had an extra mattress for him beside our bed so that he can crawl in to sleep on the mattress by himself, this doesn't count as co-sleep right!
ReplyDeleteI'm not yet a mama but I intend to teach my kiddos to sleep on their own as much as possible. I agree with your reasoning!
ReplyDeleteI was not a co-sleeping parent until my second child. She gives us no option. She forces her way into our bed in the middle of the night and I am just too lazy to move her out of a dead sleep. I suppose we will deal with it one of these days though! Props to you for sticking to your guns!
ReplyDeleteI love my space too! My oldest does like to sneak in the bed from time to time, but I have no problems from my youngest.
ReplyDeleteGo girl, do it your way. You have that right. One of the priviledges of being an adult. It makes me curious if you have a dog? and this probably only came to mind because the last few months we let the dog sleep in our room and she has legit ruined our white carpet. she sleep digs, of all things.
ReplyDeleteI don't have kids yet but I hope when my time comes I won't give into co sleeping too because I love my space too much and I too would love to spend time alone with my husband
ReplyDeleteI haven't had any kids yet but I know there's something nice about having the entire bed to myself once in a while. So I can definitely appreciate you valuing your space! Though I do let my two dogs sleep in bed with me and my BF. So I'm sort of used to being crowded already.
ReplyDeleteI would have to say I enjoy sleeping alone on my bed but I just got used to my girls sleeping beside me as well. I think it's perfectly fine and parents have the right to decide.
ReplyDeleteBefore when I still dont have a kid I don't co-sleep! I really hated the feeling of someone will bother you and bother them on being having a lot of movements but when I had my daughter I never wanted her to sleep on the other side! Or without my side.
ReplyDeleteYou can choose to co-sleep or not, it's all up to you! I am with you on this 100% though, I love my space as well.
ReplyDeleteI know some people that love co-sleeping. My parents never did! I can't think of a single night where they let us sleep in their bed for an entire night - and we all turned out just fine!
ReplyDeleteI agree with you. I don't co-sleep with my son but it doesn't mean that I am missing something because I do eat with him, shop together, bonding every weekends and so on. We do a lot of things together.
ReplyDeleteI was always scared to cosleep with my son because I thought I would hurt him. But I always coslept with my dogs!
ReplyDeleteWe've co-slept since the day my son was born. I love the snuggles. My son is in his own room now, but I miss it sometimes. He sleeps in there all night and doesn't try to sleep in our room anymore. My daughter still sleeps with us for now.
ReplyDeleteIt's funny that you asked about pets, because I spent this whole post nodding sagely in agreement. Yes, I refuse to share my bed with my kids - and sometimes, I don't even let them come snuggle in bed with me when the morning comes and the sleeping is over because THIS. IS. MY. SPACE.
ReplyDeleteBut my dog sleeps in my bed, curled up at the corner of the foot on the side of the bed I don't (usually) sleep on.
But he doesn't kick me, doesn't take over the whole space, doesn't lay on me, has never punched me in his sleep, and has never one time wet the bed (or vomited on it). So I feel like he's earned his place, and maybe that makes me a jerk mom, but I'm alright with that.
I have been on both sides of the bed. We have co-slept and we have not as the mother of 6 children it seemed they all have their own needs
ReplyDeletecome see us at http://shopannies.blogspot.com
When my son was younger I let him sleep in my bed. Once he got a little older he had not problem sleeping in his room full-time. If I had another child I would try my best not to do it at all.
ReplyDeleteI don't remember having much interest in sleeping in my parent's bed as a kid (unless I had the occasional overly terrifying nightmare). I know plenty of people who do co-sleep, and plenty more who don't. I definitely think I would be on the "don't" side of things when I eventually have my own children. I like my space too. :P
ReplyDeleteChristie's Take on Life. xx
I don't co sleep with either of my little ones.. occasionally I doze off when singing them to sleep but manage somehow to crawl out of their rooms without waking them when something stirs me!
ReplyDeleteYou certainly have some valid reasons not to co-sleep. Besides, you're the Mommy. You get to make the rules.
ReplyDeleteBeth || www.TheStyleBouquet.com
Even though I don't have kids, I can totally relate to what you re saying, having your space and quality time with your other half is indeed very important for your happiness and a happy mom means happy kids. It's good and healthy to have rules and follow them :)
ReplyDeleteI couldn't help but laugh when I saw your daughter's pic. I sleep exactly like that. Back when I was young, I would refuse to sleep without my parents till I was about 5. It is good that you are implementing rules :)
ReplyDeleteThis is an interesting concept of co-sleeping. I remember when I was younger & I used to sleep with my mom sometimes.
ReplyDeleteThis post - and the photos cracked me up! I do recall hoping in the bed with my parents a handfull of times. They'd let me fall asleep - then they'd put me right back in my own bed. LOL!
ReplyDeleteYour pictures are so beautiful and funny! I perfectly understand you, I like my space too and I sleep like your daughter ahah, so I need it!
ReplyDeleteI'm with you! I don't have kids yet, but wouldn't be able to handle sleeping with them!
ReplyDeleteI used to co sleep with my son when he is not feeling well. He is a big guy now and hates it when I remind him of anything as such :)
ReplyDeleteWell, I do not have kids nor do I have pets :( want to have both though and will have it in some time future, however we won't co-sleep.
ReplyDeleteThe photo of your daughter on the floor spread out, hilarious! Growing up I never co-slept on a regular basis. But, I do recall my dad getting up early for work, then I would go crawl in with my Mom. So, probably a few hours, I would guess.
ReplyDeleteYour daughter is so cute! She reminds me of my step daughter. She loves sleeping with me when my husband's out of the country for work. But I only let her once when she was sick. Sometimes when there's thunderstorms she would ask me but my husband would still say no.
ReplyDeleteWe bed share currently with our 8 month old. I swore I was going to put him in his crib and then I never did and I do not regret it one bit. I absolutely love waking up to his adorable face and smiles in the morning. The way he rubs his eyes and then crawls over to me. I wouldn't be able to think about or sleep without seeing my baby boy all through the night, if I needed to wake up for any reason. <3
ReplyDeleteI would let the kids sleep with us when they were sick so I could be close to them. I like to have my space when I sleep and be able to stretch out. My kids were pretty easy when it came to going to bed.
ReplyDeleteI never slept in my parents bed and therefore would find it odd to have my kids sleep with me. Although I'm fine sleeping with my cats
ReplyDeleteI wish my ex had been like you. I am not saying that we would still be married today. There were too many issues. And this was among them. But we would have had a very different relationship had she established that boundary early.
ReplyDeleteI don't think I used to sleep with my parents. But I do love when my cat sleeps with me in bed.
ReplyDeleteMy mom never had me co-sleep and we were very close. I like having my own space as a result.
ReplyDeleteHahha so true. My mom and I were very close so my mom never had me co-sleep.
ReplyDeleteI always said I wouldn't co-sleep. But here I am with an almost 3 year old, sleeping in his bed with him. I love cuddling him everynight, but man do I miss my won space.
ReplyDeleteHaha I completely agree. I hate sharing a bed, never mind with children. Like you said you don't want have to censor yourself and you do need your own space x
ReplyDeleteThese are all perfect of why not to co sleep with children. I'm not a mother yet, but when I am I will have to separate myself a bit from my child when it's time to sleep because I could imagine them get used to sleeping in my bed. I like my space too!
ReplyDeleteI think each of us have our reasons why we don't or do co-sleep. For me, I love oc-sleeping with my kids especially because the husband works the night shift.
ReplyDeleteMy bed is my sanctuary. This is where I can fully rest and receive peace of mind after a whole day chaos.
ReplyDelete~theladyboss
I didn't let my son sleep in my bed either, with very few exceptions like the rare occasion when he'd have a really bad nightmare. My dog and cat...::sigh:: They aren't supposed to sleep on the bed, but the sneaky little things wait until I'm asleep then hop right up.
ReplyDeleteI don't have kids.I think it's important for everyone to have their own space.
ReplyDeleteHer sleep made me laugh.. so sweet. Not a mom yet but would like to have ur experience ;)
ReplyDeleteMy son was very clingy and I thought h would end up wanting to sleep with me but the funny thing is he only sleeps on his tummy and never on his back so he always just prefers his bed. Lucky me.
ReplyDeleteI currently cosleep, but I really wish I would have never started. Getting my daughter in her own bed has been the worst transition ever!
ReplyDeleteI love the honesty in this. I don't have any kids but little sister loves sharing my bed so I feel your pain.
ReplyDeleteyou two are the cutest! and im actually quite the opposite! anyone can co sleep with me as i dont move or stretch at all! may partner said once that i look dead when i sleep!
ReplyDeleteWe co slept. But only as my girls were babies, and it was because it was easier, I like to sleep. I learned that if they were in the bed beside me, they slept longer. So it just happened.
ReplyDeleteI'm not a parent, but I really over heat in the night so I can't imagine co-sleeping if I did have children just because it wouldn't be comfortable for anyone.
ReplyDeleteI used to love to co sleep when I was a child. I don't have children now, but your points make so much sense as why not to do it.
ReplyDeleteOMG co-sleeping is so hard to break. I wish we never would have started it. I should have read this post waaayyyy before now.
ReplyDeleteHaha! Your daughter is hilarious. If my child slept like that I wouldn't cosleep either
ReplyDeleteI don't have a kid yet. I was thinking, if I do in the future I want them to sleep separately, but if they do sleep with me I don't think I can refuse. SO I don't really know.
ReplyDeleteI've shared my bed with my baby son and I want her next to my sleep and even if he's grown up. But if he get's older but of course when he was big he needed to learn to sleep in his own room
ReplyDeleteWe grew up and used to co-sleep with our parents so, We love co-sleeping for some reason. And we respect and understand your reasons why you don't. God speed mama.
ReplyDeleteI don't think anyone of us would blame you either! Seeing how she sleeps, she better get in her bed. Lol!
ReplyDeleteWe have never co-slept like this before and the way your daughter is sprawled is exactly why. I feel like no one can get the night's sleep they deserve all squished in one space.
ReplyDeleteWe tend to co sleep especially when my hubby is out of town. I prefer not to, but it is hard to say no. I like my space and when I’m in the bed alone I take full advantage. This is funny and I wish I could say no more, hahaha
ReplyDeleteI would love to come home to your daughter on the floor like this. Imagining all the licking and touching I’d do. Then the massive load I’d shoot between her legs.
ReplyDeleteMe too man. Such a sexy little peach ready to be eaten. I’m so hard thinking of the ways I’d make her please me.
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